A cracked batting helmet. Wet golf clubs. Upturned equipment tables. A shattered tennis racquet. Each one points to a social flaw—the inability to lose. We have come a long way from “Winning isn’t everything,” to “Winning is the only thing.” From the Pee Wee Leagues to the Big Leagues, everyone expects to win. When that doesn’t happen, many players mope, curse, cry, and pout. Post-game tirades by players, coaches, and fans seem normal, while losing gracefully seems unreasonable. We need to learn how to lose without being a loser.
Competition
When did the first car race occur? When they built the second car…and they have been racing ever since. Humans, by nature, are competitive. We compete in athletics, academics, business, social standing, beauty, etc. School kids who don’t compete in organized sports still compare and compete with schoolmates in other areas: who is the weirdest, who cares the least, who draws the best, or who makes better grades? Competition creates winners and losers. We can pretend that everybody is a winner, but in reality, some people win, and others lose.
Some try to protect children from the pain of losing by eliminating competition. But, in a world of competition, it is wiser to teach children how to lose, or more precisely, how to act after losing. Consider God’s servant Job, possibly the biggest loser of all time. He lost his children, his wealth, his friends, and his health. Yet, his life can teach us how to handle defeat.
Perspective
First, we need to learn to keep our perspective. Job lost something of real value—his children. Losing the high school state baseball championship may seem tragic, but it is only a game. What is a Lombardi trophy compared to family? Or a Little Dribblers’ Championship compared to personal health? Losing a game may be embarrassing or even heartbreaking, but it is nothing compared to losing freedom, justice, life or, worst of all, our faith.
Experience
Second, we need to accept every loss as a learning experience. Job questioned why he suffered so terribly. Then God challenged Job’s knowledge and wisdom. Job learned humility, patience, and trust. A setback in business, a “B” on a report card, a failed attempt to climb a mountain aren’t opportunities to whine and pout; they’re opportunities to grow and learn from mistakes.
The Future
Third, we need to look to the future. Solomon tells us, “I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to those with knowledge, but time and chance happen to them all” (Ecc 9:11). The fastest runner does not always win. We may lose today, but win tomorrow. Job was prosperous and had a great family. Then he lost everything he valued. In the end, however, God restored his treasures. He lost one day but won the next.
Character
Finally, we must show character in the face of defeat. Job never lost his character or moral fiber. Not when his children died. Not when his friends accused him of terrible sins. Not when his wife lost her confidence. Instead of lashing out in anger, Job accepted his fate, trusting that God had a purpose. He questioned what the purpose was, and even challenged God to a discussion, but through it all, he maintained his integrity.
Choose How You’ll Lose
I hate watching a losing team leave the field without congratulating the winners, or hearing losers complain about officiating. I hate seeing coaches yell at little boys and girls because they lost. Character loses gracefully, owns up to mistakes, admires opponent’s skill, and thanks God for the opportunity to play.
Every parent must encourage their kids to excel at their endeavors. However, they must also teach their children how to lose. Whether it is an organized sport or basketball on the driveway, parents and children must work together on how to lose without being a loser.
Preaching Minister